Hi lovelies. I come to you today with a rather heavy heart. I usually like to keep things fun and upbeat around here but after reading Clare’s post this morning, I decided it was time for me to be honest. When writing a blog most of us usually share a portion of ourselves- we talk about the fun things, what we’re eating and doing and wearing but we often skip how we’re feeling. I generally am a very happy girl and have so much in my life to be thankful for- great friends, an amazing family and so many other blessings.
But today I’m feeling down. You see, I’ve mentioned being sick on in passing rather frequently. But I haven’t exactly explained the extent. For the past 4 months or so, I’ve been really sick. I’ve had dozens of tests, seen multiple doctors and still haven’t been able to get a diagnosis. Each day, I just hope to feel better. And some days I do feel a little better. And then some days I feel really bad. Like, can’t get out of bed sick. But despite feeling so yucky, I push, push, push. I’m a people pleaser and very driven so despite my health telling me to slow down, I kept trying to push myself. But here’s the thing:
You can push and push until your body MAKES you stop.
And man, is that a hard one to come to terms with. But that’s where I’m at now. I’ve pushed my body so hard because I was determined not to let anyone down and have gotten to a place where I just can’t push anymore. And that makes me feel like I’m failing. I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want to not be able to do all the things that I used to do. I liked my life just how it was, being busy with a million activities. But I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that I just can’t have that right now. I’m realizing that if I want to go on to achieve all the things I want to achieve in life, I’m going to have to stop fighting my body. It’s a battle I continue to lose and I’ll never get to where I want to be until I let me body heal. It’s a work in progress but I hope you’ll join me for the ride.