Let’s Get Real

Hi lovelies. I come to you today with a rather heavy heart. I usually like to keep things fun and upbeat around here but after reading Clare’s post this morning, I decided it was time for me to be honest. When writing a blog most of us usually share a portion of ourselves- we talk about the fun things, what we’re eating and doing and wearing but we often skip how we’re feeling. I generally am a very happy girl and have so much in my life to be thankful for- great friends, an amazing family and so many other blessings.

But today I’m feeling down. You see, I’ve mentioned being sick on in passing rather frequently. But I haven’t exactly explained the extent. For the past 4 months or so, I’ve been really sick. I’ve had dozens of tests, seen multiple doctors and still haven’t been able to get a diagnosis. Each day, I just hope to feel better. And some days I do feel a little better. And then some days I feel really bad. Like, can’t get out of bed sick. But despite feeling so yucky, I push, push, push. I’m a people pleaser and very driven so despite my health telling me to slow down, I kept trying to push myself. But here’s the thing:

You can push and push until your body MAKES you stop.

And man, is that a hard one to come to terms with. But that’s where I’m at now. I’ve pushed my body so hard because I was determined not to let anyone down and have gotten to a place where I just can’t push anymore. And that makes me feel like I’m failing. I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want to not be able to do all the things that I used to do. I liked my life just how it was, being busy with a million activities. But I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that I just can’t have that right now. I’m realizing that if I want to go on to achieve all the things I want to achieve in life, I’m going to have to stop fighting my body. It’s a battle I continue to lose and I’ll never get to where I want to be until I let me body heal. It’s a work in progress but I hope you’ll join me for the ride.

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10 thoughts on “Let’s Get Real

  1. You’re a very talented, highly competent, beautiful perspon, Emily, and this is a minor, temporary setback. We grow all of our lives; this is a difficult growth moment, but a growth moment nevertheless. We’re all so proud of you for who you are, and so eager to see you well. So, first priority: Do what you need to do to get well! JB

  2. Emily, even cars in races need pit stops. Just think of this time as yours :-) Thinking of you and hoping you get some answers and a clear direction to health.

  3. You have been sick before, and you were able to get past that, so I’m sure you will get through this. Migraines kept you down but you got back up, so keep pushing and you’ll be fine.

  4. Oh, Emily, my heart is breaking for you. I’m so so sorry you haven’t been feeling well, and can only imagine how discouraged you’re feeling. It’s frustrating that the doctors haven’t been able to write a diagnosis—and I’m sure that invokes fear on your end as well. I’m praying that you’ll be filled with strength, healing, resilience and peace, and have faith that you’ll find an answer soon. Hang in there, girl. <3 And please text me any time! I'm not sure if you received my last text, but I really want to be here for you. If I can help in any way, please let me know.

    Sending huge hugs your way. xoxoxo <3

  5. Emily – you are so incredibly strong! You deserve a vacation from work and tests and pushing yourself! Take the time to let your body heal and I’m sure answers will come soon… like sara says ^ ^ it’s got to be frustrating and disheartening not knowing, but you will get through this!

  6. Oh, I’ve just stumbled across your blog for the first time and read this. I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with this. You’re so right though, that pushing ourselves can really cause our body to break down. I’m not sure of your situation and don’t want to speculate but I hope you are ok, and once you have had time to process the situation, there will be something great at the end of the tunnel for you.

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